One evening that late winter, I was planning on heading to a friend's house who lived in a neighboring town. Our school district was pretty spread out, and a couple of the small schools consolidated with ours. She had graduated a few years ahead of me, but we were good friends and had taken some classes together. She was home from college, and I hadn't seen her in a long time. It was a school night for me, so I wasn't going to be gone long, but I did want to see her, so I left after supper to go spend a few hours with her.
As I was driving my car through town, and past the store where I worked, the 'little man' was outside there, and when he saw me, he began frantically waving his arms at me. Like an idiot I turned around and went back to see if something was wrong.
He came over to my car and said that his wife was up near their cabin (I had no idea where that was, but I knew it was on the way to where my friend lived) and she was having car trouble. He wanted to know if I could give him a ride there, and he'd get her car going and would bring her home. I questioned him, but just a little, and decided it was the right thing to do.
Being winter, it was already dark, but I knew the road well. It wasn't snowing or icy or anything, and as we rounded some of the big curves that got out of town, I asked him where exactly his wife was. He started to act almost a little nervous and said that he might not have been exactly truthful. I slowed my car and was going to find a place to turn around, when he moved over and tried to get just a little too friendly. I felt instantly sick, and just at that moment, a car was coming up the road from the same direction we had just come. He said, 'SHIT! It's her!' It wasn't until that moment that I realized exactly what was happening. He actually thought he was going to get me to go to his cabin with him. He made the story up about his wife having car trouble, and I bought it.
I guess he recognized the headlights and must have been able to see the grill of her car. I really don't know how the little bastard knew it was his wife, but as I was slowed to almost a stop already, he opened the car door and rolled right out. Right out into the ditch, I think. And I drove on.
I was so worked up, not knowing what really hit me, it all happened so fast, and I was trying to process it all. Shaking like a leaf, I went out to a turnaround spot by the lake, and I sat there by myself and thought about everything I had been through with that damn store for the last 10 months or so. I thought about how stupid I was for thinking I could handle this jackass by myself, I thought about how scared I was at this very moment. I was both relieved and frightened half to death over what had just happened, but I knew that I had to go to work the next morning and that I would quit my job there.
But the 'fun' was just beginning.
I'm starting to have a little panic attack here, so I will be back. And, if you've read this, it may be edited later, so feel free to read this page (and the others, as well, as they may be edited) over again.
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Remember in the beginning when I said I got grounded because I 'looked guilty'? Well, I did. That happened sometimes. But I think it's because my Dad just didn't know how to relate to me...I can't speak for my siblings, but I don't think he knew what else to do. And this night was no exception.
I got home without ever going to see my friend who was home from college. Of course, that was a million years before cell phones, so I just went on home after deciding what I was going to do about the situation that I thought might have just gotten much worse.
I drove up to the house and went in. Dad was standing there with his usual 'Dad Face' on, and I knew that I was in trouble, but I wasn't sure why, yet. (it never dawned on me to tell the truth, at this point)
"Where the hell were you?" were the first words out of his mouth, and I was never one to do very well under pressure, so I started to say I had gone to my friend's house, when he said, "And be VERY careful what you say, because I called there, and you never showed up."
Oh, great...gulp.
The next thing he said will stick with me for the rest of my life. It stung so hard, that I will never get over it, and I will never forget it, if I live to be 120.
He said, in his badass 'Dad Manner', "If I find out you've been out whoring around"...after that it was just blahblahblah because the 'whoring around' was all that I heard. I know I mumbled something like, "I wasn't doing that"...but it didn't matter. I was numb. Let me point out that I am not blaming anyone but myself for my decision not to tell anybody. I really don't know what would have happened if I did tell him right then and there. And, deep down, I know my dad didn't mean anything by what he said, and I know he forgot about it right after he said it. I also knew that I would NEVER forget that he said it. And, I also knew then that I would never tell him OR my mom what had really happened.
'Whoring around'. My God, I hated the sound of that, and I still can't believe he said it to me, especially when I was trying to DEFEND myself this whole time. I was trying to protect everyone involved, and it backfired. And, all I knew for sure was that my Dad thought I'd been 'whoring around'...and that I was grounded. Did that mean he thought I WAS a whore? I really didn't know. Those words make me cringe yet today.
Let me just add here that I think the world of my Dad, and I always tried to win his approval. It was hard to do, or maybe I just thought it was, because he didn't give 'kuddos' much...to anyone. I know now that I read him wrong. He did so much for all of us, in his own 'Dad way', to show that he loved us. I'm not raggin' on him at all. He did say things he didn't mean, and he used some pretty colorful language sometimes. He did the best with what he knew, which is what we all do. He just had trouble relating to his kids...but got much better in later years. As adults we all relate to dad very well. And he to us.
So, the next morning I got up and ready, and I went in to the store at the time I normally would, and I got another surprise. I have no idea what was said between 'him' and his wife that night, but I can imagine that their short car ride home was not pleasant.
When I got there, the wife was there, waiting for me, and we had a little chat. When I first saw her, I didn't know what to expect to happen, but she started talking. She told me about how she would get dropped off by him from a date when they were young, and many times she'd watch him get in the car with another girl, and how she'd gotten 'knocked up' young, and they got married. She told me about how she'd lie awake time and time again waiting for him to come home, and when he did, he'd smell of booze, and he'd want to have sex and he'd laugh and think it was funny. (My God, why was she TELLING me this? Why wouldn't she just SHUT UP? I wanted to slither out the same way I came in...) I stood there and I listened, for what seemed like hours, but it was probably less than 10 minutes. I didn't say anything.
Then she asked me something that made me practically keel over, and then I knew I had been thrown under the bus. She said, "Do you love him?" I said, "What? NO!" (I am shuddering just thinking about that!)
I wanted to tell her at that moment that I had to push him away and off of me for months, that I smelled that nasty booze breath that she spoke of, and that she was married to a pig! I wanted her to know what a nice person she was, and that I felt SORRY for her! I wanted her to know that in my mind I begged her not to go places, but to stay there while I was working there, so he'd leave me the hell alone!
But, instead, I simply told her that I wouldn't be coming back.
As I walked out, I saw him standing there, like a little boy that had just crapped his pants, and he said, "It's a bad situation." Yeah. No shit, ass-clown.
Well, some time went on, and after a few weeks I finally got the courage to come out of my room when dad was home. He said something like he knew I must've run into friends that night, and it wasn't late when I'd gotten home, and so, after these two weeks, I wasn't grounded anymore. (big deal)
I still couldn't tell my parents what had happened. But, I thought they must have already known, by the 'whore' comment my dad made a few weeks earlier. I thought everybody knew, remember?
But, oh, there is still so much more fun ahead...this story doesn't end here. I will add more, but not tonight.
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So, after that morning, I was shook up and bewildered for a long time. I never did find out what was said about being in my car, but I can only assume that 'the little man' made his wife believe that I was some kind of 'vixen', with magic powers that made him just have to have me. (I'd chuckle right here, but it's not funny)
But, as I went to school, the very next day, I soon understood that it was me who was made to be the 'aggressor' in what happened. I mentioned that they had a daughter who was just about 3 years younger than me. Every single day thereafter, she would hunt me down in the halls of school, at some point in the day, and say, under her breath, but as close as she could get to me, 'Slut'. Every. Single. Day. Once she met me in an uncrowded hall as I was making my way to the office for something, and she started in with, "And, YOU! Coming to work at my dad's store in your little cheerleading uniform...you slut!" (Ummm...yeah...I did that. But, her dad's a pig, and that's MY fault?)
So, every day from then until I graduated in June, I had to try to dodge her. I did my best to steer clear if I ever saw her. It was just not something I needed, on top of what had already happened. If my senior year wasn't hard enough, dealing with the 'little man', the remainder of my Senior Year in High School was terrible for me. Terrible.
After graduation, I went right to work at a local bank. Then, my car started getting vandalized. There were just a few employees, and we'd park our cars in the back, and go in the back door. Where the store people lived was just a block or so away from the bank. Several times, going out to my car after work, I'd see where someone had taken a bar of soap and written dirty things on my car. I knew it was this same daughter, and probably her cousins, who were the same age as she was. (I was thankful it was just soap, but...still)
(Several years later, I saw one of these cousins of hers, whom I barely knew or even recognized, in a bathroom in a bar. By this time, I was married. But, the cousin cornered me and started sort of pushing me and getting mouthy. By the grace of God, someone else came in, and I slipped out. Seems like I had to look over my shoulder no matter where I went. For years)
But, as I was working, and was now seeing someone who would later be my husband, I was ready to move out of the folks' home. So, I found a little place to rent, and my dog and I moved in there. This is important to know for a future incident. By the way, naturally, the obscene phone calls in the middle of the night were relentless during this time. I'm sure it was that daughter and her 'pals'.
Now, it's important to put in here what happened following my graduation. In the state I lived in, in 1976, the legal age to buy and consume alcohol was 18 years old. So, my friends and I did some of that. There was a particular place that we liked to go. Back then, there were local bands that would play, and we went out quite a bit to dance. There were about 4 or 5 of us that would all go together, and we'd usually all go in one car, and had a driver who didn't drink much. If whoever owned the car we drove that night had too much to drink, our 'DD' would just get us all home safely in that car.
But, it didn't take long at all for me to see 'the little man' and his crony 'wienie joke' friend sitting at the bar in that dance club that my friends and I frequented. I mean, this was a place for YOUNG people to go, so those men were clearly out of place. But, they were there for one reason. And, it was impossible to get to the bathroom without walking past them, and with all the beer we drank back then, going to the bathroom really couldn't be avoided. So, there would be grabbing, laughing, taunts...the same old shit that had happened months ago before I left the store. But, right out in PUBLIC!
And, I found it odd that he didn't learn his lesson. But, there he was, drunk, late at night, while his wife was home.
Break time.
And then a brand new page.
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